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Say No So You Can Give More

oxygen_maskAnyone who’s ever traveled on an airplane has heard it: “Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.” The point is, you won’t be able to help anyone else if you don’t do what you need to do to sustain yourself first.

Life has been exceedingly full these past few months while I’ve been completing several new business products and offerings (more about why in a moment). A concerned friend recently asked me, “Are you putting on your own oxygen mask first?”

It’s easy to get caught up in giving your time and energy to others in an effort to supply great service, yet ignore caring for yourself in ways that nourish your own creativity and maximize your efforts. My friend was essentially asking if I was taking care of myself so I had the reserves to draw upon to provide the help I love to give to others.

Because we each have a finite amount of energy and time, taking care of yourself can mean saying no – even to really good things. These last several months I’ve had to make some hard decisions not to do some things that I enjoy and genuinely want to do so that I can have the mental, physical, and emotional resources to be able to do the most important things.

It takes discipline to choose not to do those tasks we enjoy, especially when it seems they will take relatively little from us because they’re easier than the big, important project we keep putting off. We may even experience guilt or concern that we’re performing below others’ expectations when we say no to various tasks or requests.

The problem is, if the daily tasks already have us operating at capacity, there is just not enough of us to be able to do everything. Something has to give. Often it’s physical health, mental clarity and creativity, and personal relationships – things that are of the greatest long-term value.

Instead, take care of yourself (put on your own oxygen mask first), so you can be of more use to others.

Consider the cost of achieving your long-term goals. Many things are absolutely worth temporary discomfort or inconvenience. But, don’t unconsciously or unwittingly sacrifice those things that are of the greatest value and nourish you so you are able to continue to give out to others. Deliberately choose what you can and will do, and those things you will stop doing, at least for a time.

The important things I’ve been devoting myself to over these past couple of months include completing my first book, The Distraction-Proof Advisor; creating a brand-new Web site; and developing a new advisor coaching platform. I’m also honored to be the closing speaker on the main stage at this year’s Million Dollar Round Table annual meeting in New Orleans next week and have been preparing for that. (I’ll be sharing more details about all of these things with you in the coming days and weeks.) I also work with my financial advising clients each weekday, am a chaplain at the local jail, and want to give quality time to my family.

One thing that’s had to be put on hold to enable these other things is writing and distributing my monthly newsletter. I appreciate the personal interactions I receive each month and initially felt like I was ignoring my friends and colleagues, and worse, leaving clients wondering what was going on. However, I had to temporarily put this very good activity on hold to be able to accomplish greater things. Now those big-picture projects are nearing completion, I have a stronger base to enable me to help more people and ensure that the growth of my business is more manageable.

It’s easy to spread ourselves too thin. If you find you’re spending all your time responding to seemingly urgent tasks, but feel like your most valuable resources and important goals are slipping further and further away, take these steps to help you get on track to achieving your vision for your business and your life:

  1. Pause and assess. Honestly review what you need to complete to best propel you toward achieving your longer-term objectives.
  2. Be willing to let things go – perhaps for a time, perhaps permanently. As hard as it can be to do, accept that you cannot successfully do everything. Get help, delegate, or simply stop doing some things.
  3. Set a short-term deadline. Determine when these important steps will be completed – this will drive your daily activities. By keeping this end date in sight, you can know you are making real progress toward your long-term objectives and that other good tasks are deliberately being set aside for only a short while rather than being forever lost or forgotten.

How are you “putting on your own oxygen mask” so you can most effectively help others?

Paul Kingsman

Paul Kingsman

Paul Kingsman is a sought-after expert on how to be distraction-proof. Through his speaking, writing, and coaching, he teaches financial services professionals how to maintain focus and take practical daily steps to successfully grow their businesses and achieve outstanding long-term results. To find out more about Paul and how he can equip you or your team to achieve your own outstanding results, visit PaulKingsman.com.

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